Thursday, February 9, 2012

Committing to quitting?

Ugh. I've been avoiding blogging about this for a reason. A probably dumb reason but still a reason. I've been thinking it's about time to quit smoking.

GASP. People refuse to expect my smoking habit more than they refuse to believe I'm not just barely 21 years old. I suppose I should be flattered--seeming both wholesome and young is surely useful somehow--but it's odd. Smoking is something I've partly taken for granted over the past 7 years even as I've grown to depend on it.

But lately I keep getting this odd feeling--"Why do I still smoke, anyway?" or "What's this really accomplishing for me?". The odd part is that, while I won't claim I'm not an addict, I'm not exactly a chainsmoker, either. I'm sure I smoke more than I realize but it's felt like only a pack and a half a week for at least 5 years. Maybe it's more like 2 packs or 2 1/2.

I've always felt I was more of a habitual smoker; after meals, before work, around bedtime. But as I've started considering this whole quitting possibility, I've begun wondering if that's really the case. There are definitely those times I yearn for a cigarette. Other times, I want--indulgently--to just smoke. I've begun to realize although I can't really justify either, they'll probably make quitting harder.

I've been avodiing blogging about this because I know that once people read this (because obviously I assume people, including everyone I know, read my blog) they're gonna hassle me. "How's quitting going?" or "Hey, aren't you supposed to be quitting?" and other pestering questions that, when all I want is a nice little smoke, get under my skin in the worst way.

So why am I blogging about it afterall? Well, partly for lack of things to blog about while needing to blog more, but partly because some part of me knows that nagging would actually be good for my attempts at quitting.

There's no plan as yet, mind you. Maybe I'll go cold turkey, just to prove to everyone I wasn't such an addict afterall; maybe I'll use the patch to make life easier. Who knows.

But now it's out there, let the {cringe} nagging begin.

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